*WARNING – THIS POST INCLUDES PHOTOS OF FEET BOTH BEFORE AND AFTER SURGERY, INCLUDING BLOOD AND PINS PROTRUDING FROM TOES. APPROACH WITH CAUTION*
Long time no speak!
As per the warning at the top of the post I’m going to be talking all about the toe straightening surgery that I had done 6 days ago. I am including photos because I know that in the run up to my operation seeing photos of the aftermath on instagram posted by people I know online made a lot of difference for me. It meant that I had some idea of what to expect and what was to come.
This is likely to be a super long post so I’m going to break this post up in to different sections starting with the very beginning. So get yourself a cuppa, and let me take you back to April 2016…..
In the beginning….
God created arthritis.
As I’ve said many times before, my first ever symptom of psoriatic arthritis was a swollen toe. The second toe on my left foot. The third toe followed at some point afterwards, as did toes two and three on the right foot. The pain started underneath the toe. I couldn’t put my foot down on the floor without feeling searing pain. I can’t quite remember when it happened, but at some point the toes started to bend upwards at the joint. The continued to bend and then they just didn’t move. The joint has fused. My toes had permanently bent upwards.
The inflamed bent toes were very, very painful. Often bright red and hot to the touch. This was eventually controlled with anti-inflammatories and cosentyx, but the bending never returned to normal. So even though I had no pain, the bend continued. Shoes became problematic. When the toes were swollen they did still fit in shoes. After they had started to bend, they didn’t. I bought my first pair of sensible shoes, skechers, and between them and trainers, have worn nothing else for the last two years. The not wearing shoes thing really bugged me. I didn’t want to be tottering about in high heels, I just wanted to wear something pretty. A ballet pump, even a pair of Vans sneakers. The knock on effect of not being able to have the choice to wear shoes was huge. My style changed overnight. No longer did I want to wear one of my vast array of pretty dresses because I didn’t have the shoes to wear with it. I took to wearing black trousers and a sweater. This has been my uniform for many years now and I long to be able to wear a dress and feel more like myself again.
On my first appointment to rheumatology I was referred to physiotherapy, occupational therapy and podiatry. The first two I only required one appointment at each but podiatry I attended a fair few times. The first few appointments were to make me inserts and insoles to try and support my feet, and I was given the green light to have my toenails removed. On a further visit to rheumatology in December 2016, my specialist said that he was happy to have me referred to orthopedics with regards to having the toes straightened. My podiatrist (a horrible horrible woman) said that she would do all she could to make sure I didn’t get the surgery because I hadn’t taken her advice to buy flesh coloured granny shoes. She told me that my toes were not the worst that she had seen and that I didn’t really have anything to complain about. I knew my toes weren’t the worst, but they were still causing me issues. With hindsight, I should have made a formal complaint against her. I didn’t, but ultimately, I got what I wanted.
Orthopedics – Appointment 1 – December 2017
It would be one whole year before I was invited to go to Woodend hospital in Aberdeen to meet with the orthopedic consultant. I met with Dr Sam Roberts who had a good look at my feet and agreed that the second toe on the left foot was suitable for straightening. I was so relieved! I asked him if I could skip straightening and go straight for amputation. After he nervously chuckled, he realised I was being serious. This request was declined and I was told I would have to try straightening first.
Orthopedics – Appointment 2 – 28th August 2018
Time passes. I age another year. I finally get the follow up letter inviting me back to Woodend for pre-assessment. I meet with the nurse who takes down all my vital details and meet with Dr Roberts again, who looks at both my feet and agrees that not only will I have the surgery on both toes on my left foot, one of the toes on my right was suitable as well! I am ecstatic by this news! One step closer to being my old self again! I’m not given a firm date for surgery but am told it could be anytime between the next day, and anytime up to 6 weeks time.
As we’ve learnt with orthopedics, nothing seems to run on time. The uncertainty of not having my surgery date caused me a lot of issues with my employers and I’m forced to make the call to the department secretary to see if there’s a date yet. There is. Monday 19th November 2018 at 7.45am.
That’s it sorted then. I do the necessary at work, and due to the way my job is, I say my goodbyes to my wonderful project because when I do eventually return to work in the new year it will be to a whole new project with a whole new set of people. It feels very much like the end of an era. Time wise it works out quite well as I was due to finish up at the end of December, we’re able to just pull my end date forward a few weeks.
The Night Before
The surgery is performed as a day case – go in in the morning, operate, go home at some point on the same day. I was advised however to have an overnight bag packed just in case of delays or anything prevented me from going home. Jack and I had been away at the weekend but we get home early evening, I get my bag packed, set an early alarm and get a good nights sleep.
As I was having my surgery in the morning I had to fast. No food from 2.30am, and no liquids from 6.30am. As anyone who knows me can confirm, this was the part that filled me with dread. Not only do I love my food, I drink at least 4lts of water a day, not to mention my love of constant cups of tea! I didn’t really think anything through. Instead of having a late night snack, or even a mini meal, I had my last bite of food at 18.30 on the Sunday.
I am hungry. Very hungry.
Within the first few minutes of arriving to the ward I feel weak with hunger.
The ward nurses get me checked in and tell me I am 3rd on the list. This doesn’t sound too bad, does it. 3rd. Better than 33rd. I reckon I’ll be in theater by 11am. Stop thinking about food Rebecca.
I’ve bought with me my support team of Jack and my Mum. I’d have bought Molly-Cat if I thought it was allowed.
Dr Roberts arrives and tells me that they’ve lost my consent form. I say that it was both feet and he disagrees, saying he thinks he only said the left foot to be done this time and that he couldn’t even check the consent form to see what had been agreed…how convenient. I was a bit annoyed at it only being the one foot, although this did make life after the op a fair bit simpler.
Shortly after this, the lead anesthetist arrives at my bed. He explains to me that there are two options regarding my anesthetic – general, like I believed I would be having, or the more localised nerve blocker.
He explains to me that the nerve blocker anesthetic is what he advises patients to have. Instead of going fully under, just the leg is injected. This means that there are fewer complications and a better recovery time. I am instantly freaked out by this. “I DON’T WANNA BE AWAKE! I DON’T WANNA SEE! I DON’T WANNA HEAR A PNEUMATIC DRILL BREAKING MY TOES!” We’ll heavily sedate you, he says. Oh. That makes sense. I umm and ahh about it for a few minutes. I’d never been under a general anaesthic, and whilst I’m a little apprehensive about it I do like the idea of not being completely knocked out.
I ask my support team for their advice. They say it’s entirely up to me. Which makes them the worst support team ever.
I decide that having the nerve blocker IS the best option, and agree to go ahead with it.
Time passes. Quickly at first. But by about 11am, I’m getting so hungry I declare I would happily punch my mum in the face for a bag of bbq beef hula hoops. She agrees this is fair.
The physio arrives and presents me with a brand new pair of crutches and a really super sexy moon sandal. She teaches me the basics of how to walk on crutches (weight bearing on the heel) and I pretend it’s a machine gun.
I feel so hungry I half expect Bob Geldof to burst through the doors with Bono on his arm singing “Feed the world” and sharing a text number for people to donate money to for me to eat. The food trolley was so near and yet so far.
Instead of sitting or lying on the bed like a normal person, I decide to lay across the bed sideways, with my head hanging off the edge. Why? I’m not sure. Hunger maybe made me do it.
Lunchtime comes. THAT’S A JOKE. No food for me. I’ve now been here long enough that I could have eaten up until 11am like the afternoon patients. The little old dear in the bed opposite me returns from her carpel tunnel surgery and is given a cup of tea and some toast. What I would do for some toast right now. A short while later however she is very sick and suddenly I don’t want toast. Who am I kidding. Of course I want toast. I’d even eat a block of butter right now.
A new arrival turns up in the bed next to mine. Her name is Rebecca. She is a heroin addict. She’s not a very nice person and it’s not a nice situation to witness. All I will say is that the staff on the ward dealt with her aggression admirably and under no circumstances should these wonderful NHS workers, or anybody for that matter, have to deal with such utter BS.
Anyway. I digress.
Time passes slowly. We’re all getting hungry and cranky. To pass the time, Jack suggests we talk about our favourite foods. This starts off a great idea, but when moments of total silence arrive, and each of our tummies growls uncontrollably and loud enough for people two miles away to hear, we realise this probably isn’t the game for us.
Finally, at 14.15 the nurse arrives and tells me to get my gown on, I’m going down! Jack ties the gown on me so tightly I think I’m going to choke but hey, it’s better than it falling off. I’m inspected for any last sneaky bits of metal I might have on (hello hair clip) and in to the bed I get. Glasses come off and I’m wheeled out of the ward. I say goodbye to Mum and Jack and the two old ladies in the beds opposite me.
Not having glasses on freaks me out a lot. I’m talking to different nurses and honestly don’t know if I’ve seen them before or who I’ve been talking to.
The Anesthetic Room
I arrive to the wee room attached to the theater to be met by lots of people in green scrubs. The anesthetist from earlier is there and confirms to the group I’m going with the nerve blocker. I’m asked how I’m doing and all I can say is that I’m so hungry I am literally half the woman I was when I arrived this morning. I explain to them all that I can’t see them, which gets more laughter. It’s hard being short sighted.
The canula goes in to the back of my right hand. I was apprehensive about this. I’m not great with needles and I also didn’t know what to expect. Would it hurt? Would I know it was there? It doesn’t hurt at all. It’s taped down and I’m told the first thing to go in will be antibiotics. So far so good.
The next thing to go in the canula is the sedative. The gown is then undone slightly at the back and I’m asked to roll on to my tummy. Which way do I roll, I ask? More laughter, it doesn’t matter they say. I roll over and they get to work on my left leg, injecting it quite a few times with the anesthetic. A few minutes later they ask me to roll on to my back. I can feel the sedative has kicked in and I feel woozy. Once on my back they start injecting the front of my leg. This feels weird. My legs starts to feel almost ‘wooden’. It’s a very strange sensation. We wait a few minutes and then the tests start to make sure I can’t feel my foot. The little pin stick comes out, and a spray bottle full of icy cold water.
They prick the toes on my right foot, yep I can feel it. They then spray my right toes. Yep. I can feel that too.
On to the left foot. Can you feel that?
They try again.
Actually yes, I can feel it all.
They didn’t believe me initially I don’t think. Dr Roberts came in and said we’d give it a few minutes more for it to kick in.
I got wheeled in to the operating theater and was administered another dose of sedatives. My toes were prodded, poked and sprayed again and yes, I could still feel it. I was described as ‘small but hardy’ and before I knew it, the words ‘general anesthetic’ were mentioned. It was popped in to my canula….and I awoke over 2 hours later.
So what happened? Well, I’m not exactly sure. There are some things in life that you’re best not to ask too much about, and this was one of those things. I know that the nerve? The joint? That something below the toe was cut to release the joint. I know that my toes were so bent that there was no hope of any future flexibility, and so pins and wires were put down the toes to keep them straight. But other than that….I’m not so sure. Ignorance is bliss.
The Recovery Room
I woke up some time later with an oxygen mask on. I think I fell back asleep a few times. I went in and out of sleep for a while. But when I did fully come to, a lovely nurse started to ask me questions about my engagement, she was talking about it in such detail….I can only think that I had woken up previously and started to a great big conversation about how it all happened. I had heard horror stories from work colleagues about when they’d come round from general anesthetic to find they’d been talking about wildly inappropriate things, so to find out I’d been waffling on about the proposal was a great relief! Another nurse in the room started to speak with me in French (I assume I greatly exaggerated my French speaking ability whilst under the influence) and I bid them both a fond farewell, screaming at the top of my lungs “j’ai faim!!”.
Return to the Ward
Back to the ward I was wheeled. The two old dears had been discharged and Mum and Jack were chuffed to see me. I explained to them the anesthetic debacle and we all laughed that if it was going to happen to anybody, it would have to be me.
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I was a bit woozy initially but I felt ok. I was offered toast and tea and I was so happy I could have cried. Jack kindly buttered the toast for me and it was the tastiest toast I’ve ever had. When I was asked a short while later what meal I wanted, I declined dinner and opted again for toast. Plain food. I had seen the old lady being sick earlier and figured I shouldn’t be introducing too many flavorsome foods just yet. A short while later and the pain in my toes was increasing. It wasn’t a constant pain, but coming in waves and getting worse each time. The nurses gave me a syringe of liquid morphine. I’ve never had morphine in any shape or form before but my god, it was delicious. About an hour passed and I decided I was well enough to get up and go to the toilet. I got the green light for this from the nurses, and with Jacks assistance, slowly got myself up on to my crutches and got to the toilet. When I was on my way back to my bed, about 2ft away, I became very hot and clammy, my hands got pins and needles and a huge wave of nausea hit me. I dropped the crutches and stumbled painfully back on to the bed, screaming at Jack to get me a bowl whilst barking at my Mum to tie my hair back.
I was violently sick 4 times. The only positive about this experience is that the sick tasted exactly like buttered toast. The nurse administered anti sickness medication in to the canula.
I felt awful. Really horrendous. I was reassured that this was normal, that it was ok. Lay yourself back down, keep your foot elevated and give it a couple more hours. So I did. It was now 20.00. I felt absolutely fine in myself. I didn’t feel sick and I didn’t feel woozy. My Mum had even said she was impressed at how well I’d come round. I said I felt well enough to give walking another go. I was desperate to get home at this point. I decided to try and get to the toilet and back, if I could manage that then I would ask to be discharged.
I slowly sat up, put my feet on the floor, got my crutches and off I went.
This time I only got about 4 steps away from the bed before I was on the verge of collapse and threw myself back on the bed again, head in a bowl, this time in floods of tears at just how sick and unwell I was.
The nurse came back and I was told that if I wanted to be discharged, there was no possibility of me being readmitted. As much as I wanted to go home, I listened to her advice, as well as the support team, and knew I had to spend the night. Thank goodness I’d packed that overnight bag!
Mum and Jack sorted everything out for me, making sure I had enough water and that my book and phone were within reach, and off they went.
I’d never spent a night in hospital before. As chance would have it, the ward I was in was completely empty. I was the only person in the room of 6 beds, and somewhere far away down the corridor there was only one ever man in ward 9. Everybody has told me that this simply never happens and that I was so lucky.
Mum and Jack left me at about 21.30. I just rested, texting my sister who was on nightshift as a midwife and tried to settle down. The nurse on duty came to see my multiple times, explaining that she wasn’t surprised I was doing so badly given the fact I’d had double anesthetic given to me. By midnight I pressed the buzzer and told her that I wanted to try going to the toilet again. I felt absolutely fine, and crucially, I needed a wee. She helped me to get my shoes on, and slowly we walked towards the toilet. Same scenario as before….just a few steps away from the toilet and I started to collapse. I fell in a heap. She helped me up, and I got myself on to the toilet. She pulled the cord to call for another nurse. As I was trying to wee, I started to be sick all over the floor. And typically, try as I might, no wee came. The two nurses wheeled me back to bed and got the cool air fan on my back, as I lay in a heap, sobbing again. My blood pressure and heart rate was taken, all fine. I really did feel fine….apart from when I was moving. Another lot of anti sickness meds given, and the nurse came back with a cup of tea, two rich teas and a chocolate biscuit. I probably should have given the choccy biscuit a miss but I couldn’t resist.
Keeping my foot elevated and with the duvet stopping at my ankles, so not to cover my pins, I managed a few hours sleep, waking at 6am. I had drastically limited how much water I was drinking through the night, knowing that I couldn’t make it to the toilet. But now I really did need a wee. The nurse said that instead of me attempting the toilet again, she would bring over the little toilet on wheels for me (Side note – how amazing is one of these, I need one of these in my life so badly) and wee I did. As I slid myself from the seat back in to the bed….I hit the bed again. Hot clammy and being sick. I really didn’t see a way home.
The nurses changed shifts and I fell asleep for another half hour or so. The breakfast ladies came round and didn’t even need to ask me how I took my tea. They gave me extra tea and extra toast.
During all of this, I didn’t even really think about the pain in my foot. But it was sore. Not excruciating, but pretty damn painful. I was offered pain relief but I declined. I didn’t want another shot of morphine in case that added to my general wooziness. I had had paracetamol and dihydrocodeine during the night and I knew that once I was up on my feet again I would take them and they’d do the job.
Dr Roberts and his surgeon apprentice did their rounds early on and came to apologise to me for the anesthetic debacle, and that they weren’t surprised to see me there that morning.
I carefully, and slowly, managed to dress myself. This was progress! Mum and Jack arrived at 8.30 and over the next hour I slowly sat myself up straighter and straighter. I wanted to edge myself in to it and not give myself a sudden rush of blood to either the head, or the foot. By 9am, I had touch down. Both feet on the floor. I just sat there like this for about 5 minutes, allowing my body the time to get used to it. And then I attempted it….I walked to the toilet. And most importantly….I walked back. No nausea, no collapsing, no tears. I was a tad unsteady on my feet, and they did hurt, but I felt confident enough to go home.
My discharge papers were signed, a wheelchair found to enable me to comfortably get to the car in the rain, and away we went.
Home at Last
Jack dropped us off and went off to work, and Mum helped get the flat set up for me. She made up the spare bed and a temporary sofa bed for me to spend the day. We both napped (this is why I love my Mum, she loves a nap) and I kept my foot elevated all day. Apart from walking to the bathroom (that seems to be the only walking I’ve done all week), I did absolutely nothing. I know just how fortunate I am to be in this position, to be waited on hand and foot. Molly-Cat was ELATED that I was home, however, she took quite an interest in my pins. Like, really interested. She kept trying to get close enough so she could sniff them. She was banished out of the lounge during that day so that I could rest and recover without the fear of Molly eating my blood. Towards the end of the day, when her crying got too much, we let her in and after some good sniffing, she did seem less interested in them, and just snuggled in with me on the sofa. That evening I slept in spare bedroom, with the door shut tight, keeping Molly out. We’ve had many guests stay over in the spare bedroom and she has never shown any interest in getting in the room to be with them, sleeping in bed with Jack and I. We figured that she would sleep with Jack as normal and be unaware of me just a few feet away.
She’s not easily fooled that Molly. She cried. I don’t just mean the odd mew. I mean she cried and cried and cried. Sat outside the spared bedroom door, begging me to let her in. I had no choice. In she came, settled down high on my chest with her face so close I could taste the dreamies on her breath, and so we slept.
Since then, I’ve taken to sleeping all night on the sofa. It’s easier for me. No need to get up and remake up the sofa with pillows and duvets, I just stay here, festering in my own juices all day every day.
The first few days I was incredibly sleepy and sore. The pain however has subsided immensely. Now it just feels uncomfortable as opposed to painful. Hot and itchy. Having said that, I haven’t gone outside or done more than an average of 800 steps a day yet, so that could change everything.
I was worried that I would be painfully aware of the pins. I’m not. I’m not even that freaked out to look at them. Sure, they look like little kebab skewers and Jack wants to stick peppers and onions on them, but all things considered, it’s ok. I’ve even lightly touched them a couple of times, when I’ve gone to scratch my toes, and it’s been ok.
The bandages don’t get changed until 2 weeks after surgery (at least I think this is what the follow up appointment is for) so they are very bloodied, which surprised me, I thought they would get changed, but I guess the wounds shouldn’t be agitated any time soon.
I had my first bath on the Friday, 4 days after my surgery. I’m fortunate enough to have a kidney shaped bath that has a wee shelf in it. With the help of a pedal bin bag and two pegs, I was able to cover the left foot, carefully get in to a shallow bath with my right foot, and rest the left on the shelf. Sadly though I had chucked away my last disposable razor and am now so hairy Molly thinks I’m her actual cat Mum. Jack is thankful we’re not sharing a bed. Washing my hair was not quite so simple. I didn’t want to kneel on the floor over the bath in case I stubbed the pins, so with the use of a camping chair and two cushions, I managed to sit and lean over. It wasn’t comfortable, but I’m only looking to wash my hair once a week so I can cope.
I’m taking fewer and fewer painkillers now, which I’m pleased about and I think in a few days I’ll be confident enough to sleep with the duvet over my toes. I’m going to be completely off my feet for another full week. It may seem extreme, keeping it elevated for two weeks but I don’t wanna dick around with my recovery. I’ll be having the pins removed at 6 weeks, and will be spending the weeks between now and then with my feet up as much as possible.
During this time at home, Molly has not left my side. She is a Mummys girl anyway, but she really won’t leave me alone. She knows I need extra love and cuddles, so together we spend our days cuddled up on the sofa watching Netflix (The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is AMAZING) and reading (Bruce Springsteen- Born to Run). Mum has come over every week day to look after me and Jack and I have enjoyed the weekend watching football and playing board games.
I have no idea if all of this will be worth it, but let’s hope so.
I did warn you it was gonna be a loooooong one.
I’ll provide another update after my nurses appointment on December 4th.
I apologise for the foot photos, but you were warned.
But for now, I’ll say goodbye. I’m gonna get a cup of tea (well, I’m gonna ask Jack to get me a cup of tea) and then we’re gonna settle to watch David Attenbouroughs Dynasties.
Toes cut and pinned back together.